WELCOME back to Right Round the Houses, the weekly feature where the nation’s columnists have their say – while we wonder just why it is we put up with them . . . (visit Ragged Right for the full archive)
Fraser Nelson on government cuts, in the News of the World, February 20, 2011:
Up and down the country, we see lollipop men under threat while expensive, useless five-a-day advisers stay put.
So what’s David Cameron doing about it then, Nelly?
Cam has just hired a Whitehall warrior, Paul Kirby from KPMG, to make sure government departments cut the fat not the flesh.
I see. He’s hired an adviser. Would he be an expensive, useless five-a-day one, then?
Richard Littlejohn in the Daily Mail, February 17, 2011:
Some people still yearn for the days of Dixon of Dock Green, with a friendly bobby on every beat. Foot patrols have virtually disappeared in some areas, especially in the countryside.
Why’s that then? Could it be because the countryside is mostly open space with nothing in it?
Leo McKinstry attacks the bankers and financiers who have ruined our economy yet still award themselves grotesque bonuses while the rest of us face redundancy and cuts to services, in the Daily Express, February 17, 2011:
The machinery of the state seems to have become a giant protection racket for the criminal classes while the law-abiding public is neglected or punished.
Oops. Sorry. Reading further, he’s on about something that happened to a flooring firm boss in Essex.
Earlier this week, David Cameron said: “We need social recovery to mend the broken society, and that to me is what the Big Society is all about.” Matthew Norman responds in the Independent, February 16, 2011:
Have you ever, in all your puff, met such utter cobblers? To saddle a sentence with one specious societal cliché, the “broken society”, may be regarded as a misfortune. To lumber it with two, by lobbing in the Big One, looked like an attempt to disguise befuddlement by creating a Manichean struggle between two entities that do not exist.
Oi. That’s too clever for this website. Bugger off.
Larry the Cat, No 10’s much publicised rat catcher, writes a guest column in the Daily Telegraph, and after a litter of milk-warm moggy jokes about George Osborne and Nick Clegg, concludes with these words – February 16, 2011:
Dave, bless him, just smiled at them both. “I think he’ll fit right in here, actually,” he said. “Apparently, he has a very strong predatory drive. Perfect for the political world.” After they’d left, he picked me up and started stroking me, muttering something about a “Claws Four moment”. Humans, eh?
Stick to ratting, pal.
David Robson bashes Jamie Oliver’s attempt to instil motivation in British children, while comparing them with hard-working eastern Europeans, in the Daily Express, February 15, 2011:
Jamie’s next project is called Dream School and it has famous people – historian David Starkey, poet Andrew Motion, Alastair Campbell and Robert Winston among others – attempting to teach school dropouts. It sounds about as unreal as it gets. What’s the point? And what’s Polish or Lithuanian for nonsense?
Similarly, we could ask: what’s the point of Robson’s column? There’s only one word for it. Actually, there are several: niedorzeczność; głupoty; bajka; bzdura; bezsens.
Leo McKinstry on the TUC, Labour Party and local councils complaining about the cuts, in the Daily Express, February 14, 2011:
What is entirely missing from this crescendo of indignation about the cuts is any recognition of economic realities.
Honestly. No stiff upper lip; no backbone. They should jolly well sacrifice their jobs, their homes and their children’s futures and shower praise on the bankers who created the economic reality. After all, they’re getting a royal wedding, the ungrateful tykes.
Visit Ragged Right for the full archive.
