Whitley Bay in headlines

TODAY we flick through the archives of the Whitley Bay News Guardian to determine what type of stories readers like in that delightful corner of the North-East – and discover a very definite trend:

Right Round the Houses (No 26)

THE main topic of discussion this week in the House of Mysteries is the sexism row sparked by Andy Gray and Richard Keys. Some newspapers even let their female columnists have a say . . .

Telegraph’s meridian line Father Ted moment

THE Daily Telegraph informs us that the Royal Observatory in Greenwich is to introduce a £10 charge for people who wish to stand astride the meridian line

And we know the answer to this one, readers

THE answer is:

Brits eat hot stew in cold weather shock

THE Daily Express tells us that sales of stewing beef have risen during the cold spell. Apparently this is because people prefer wholesome winter dishes at this time of year. For readers not familiar with the various cuts of meat, the Express dutifully explains what stewing beef is:

Flat-packing them in

LIKE the startled residents of Pompeii waking up to the disturbing fact they live directly underneath a volcano that has existed for many thousands of years, the Daily Telegraph, the Daily Mail and the Scotsman have only just realised that Ikea is the human equivalent of sheep dog trials. The Mail states, somewhat obviously:

Right Round the Houses (No 25)

ROLL up, roll up, see the House of Mysteries, the freaks and the clowns, and the famous Tattooed Lady. Oh, and a pile of newspaper columnists with trick bouquets and their bow ties spinning . . .

One hand clapping, the other stirring

IT’S hard work at the Express looking for OUTRAGE these days. It’s so hard that when a potential story comes along they have to beat it with a big stick until something drops out – and in this case it’s Orlando Bloom’s wife’s breasts . . .

Gut feeling about a dud story

HERE’S a question for the pub quiz fanatics out there: What’s the capacity of the human stomach?

Incandescent. A blinding light in the media

SOMEWHERE in the Daily Express offices yesterday morning, in a backroom where flypapers dangle from lampshades and the scent of the previous night’s chips hangs like smoke from Passing Clouds, an aluminium canister hurtled along the pneumatic ducting system and was ejected – with a belch of air – into a basket full of discarded Telex tapes and faded typewriter ribbons. The message inside the canister said: